Sunday, 27 March 2011

Wooster on ‘A Touch of Brimstone’

The Hellfire Club

"Well Bingo says this is the best gentlemen’s club in town but it will have to go a long way to excel the Drones, what Jeeves?"

"Indeed Sir. It is most unfortunate Master Little isn’t here to accompany us. I hope he enjoys a rapid recovery."

"Indeed Jeeves. Damn rummy him loosing those fingers. Told me it was an accident with a chopping board." 

"A most dangerous place the kitchen Sir."

"Talking of chopping boards, Jeeves, you showed that rummy chap at the door with the axe a thing or two."

"I try to be of assistance Sir. I had noted he was only able to chop the pea in half but with the catering talents I have acquired in the kitchen I was able to demonstrate a quick eight-slice action. I believe he was most impressed."

"That chap with the two pronged hook wasn’t. He kept making rude gestures at me with that hook!"

"Looking at the costumes around us Sir, I fear we may have misunderstood young Bingo when he suggested we should dress as befits a ‘Hellfire Club’." 

"Too true Jeeves. I’m feeling a right fool stood here painted red, wearing horns and a pointed tail."

"I fear these pitchforks do little to assist our appearance either, Sir."

"I say, look Jeeves, everyone’s crowding around that stage. Brillo. I like a good bit of panto, maybe a bit of song and dance."

"I fear it’s likely to be neither, Sir. That’s Mrs Peel up there."

"What! Oh lord, Jeeves, we’re in for a sober time. Guess it’ll be another recital of Cordelia from King Lear. Think I would rather prefer a bit of slapstick with Miss King and her performing handbag than that. Hold on Jeeves, she’s in her undies. The blighters have nicked her clothes."

"It would appear so, Sir."

"Oh Lord, Jeeves, she must have arrived in the wrong garb too."

"I see your point Sir. It would be most unpleasant to have our costumes removed as well. Apart from the paint we are only wearing pants."

"Blimey Jeeves, there’s wild animals loose. Look, Mrs Peel is wrestling with one now."

"May I respectfully point out Sir that a snake is of the reptile family and not an animal. True to character for Mrs Peel to jump into the fray and attempt to save us all."

"Reptiles, axes, declothed members. Too much for me Jeeves. I’ll take the quiet of a rugby match in the hall or cricket in the corridors at the Drones to this place. Tell that blighter with the hook to get off my tail and let’s exit."

"I think that is a very wise idea, Sir."

‘Jeeves and Wooster’ copyright P.G. Wodehouse. This homage written and illustrated by Ian Duerden.

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